Change and adjustment and acceptance and then change again...and so the cycle goes. It's like a hamster wheel, this change, a hamster wheel that keeps accelerating. Change is tough for us adults and children alike. I think too often we cop out by saying "kids are adaptable". According to who?
I think kids haven't developed and advanced enough vocabulary to express how they feel during change. I also think that given how they experience the concept of time, where 5 minutes and 5 hours feels just as long if they're not happy, it makes it all the more difficult for them to adjust to change. And can someone please tell me how long it takes for these so called adaptable kids to adapt?
As you can surmise, I'm a right bag of self doubt and guilt at this moment. I've started questioning that old belief that kids adapt. I never bothered to ask how exactly do they cope because Shabd simply coped! He's a resilient kid.
He started a new school this January and suddenly he's not adapting. He misses his nounou, he misses his "baby school" he misses me.
I've tried to comfort him and I've affirmed his unique talent in being able to make friends quickly. Ive done affirmations. I've even tried putting a night time routine in place. He's adjusting very slowly to his new reality. And I feel so powerless. I wish I could make everything okay. But I can't. And change happens as sure as the Earth spins around the sun. I want to hold him tight in my arms and stop the clocks from ticking. I also recognize that I'm being given the unique opportunity to teach my child about life and change and that he has the resources within him to adapt. Like I've been telling him every morning, " You've got this!"
Sunday 6 March 2016
I want to be a baby again
Change and adjustment and acceptance and then change again...and so the cycle goes. It's like a hamster wheel, this change, a hamster wheel that keeps accelerating. Change is tough for us adults and children alike. I think too often we cop out by saying "kids are adaptable". According to who?
I think kids haven't developed and advanced enough vocabulary to express how they feel during change. I also think that given how they experience the concept of time, where 5 minutes and 5 hours feels just as long if they're not happy, it makes it all the more difficult for them to adjust to change. And can someone please tell me how long it takes for these so called adaptable kids to adapt?
As you can surmise, I'm a right bag of self doubt and guilt at this moment. I've started questioning that old belief that kids adapt. I never bothered to ask how exactly do they cope because Shabd simply coped! He's a resilient kid.
He started a new school this January and suddenly he's not adapting. He misses his nounou, he misses his "baby school" he misses me.
I've tried to comfort him and I've affirmed his unique talent in being able to make friends quickly. Ive done affirmations. I've even tried putting a night time routine in place. He's adjusting very slowly to his new reality. And I feel so powerless. I wish I could make everything okay. But I can't. And change happens as sure as the Earth spins around the sun. I want to hold him tight in my arms and stop the clocks from ticking. I also recognize that I'm being given the unique opportunity to teach my child about life and change and that he has the resources within him to adapt. Like I've been telling him every morning, " You've got this!"
I think kids haven't developed and advanced enough vocabulary to express how they feel during change. I also think that given how they experience the concept of time, where 5 minutes and 5 hours feels just as long if they're not happy, it makes it all the more difficult for them to adjust to change. And can someone please tell me how long it takes for these so called adaptable kids to adapt?
As you can surmise, I'm a right bag of self doubt and guilt at this moment. I've started questioning that old belief that kids adapt. I never bothered to ask how exactly do they cope because Shabd simply coped! He's a resilient kid.
He started a new school this January and suddenly he's not adapting. He misses his nounou, he misses his "baby school" he misses me.
I've tried to comfort him and I've affirmed his unique talent in being able to make friends quickly. Ive done affirmations. I've even tried putting a night time routine in place. He's adjusting very slowly to his new reality. And I feel so powerless. I wish I could make everything okay. But I can't. And change happens as sure as the Earth spins around the sun. I want to hold him tight in my arms and stop the clocks from ticking. I also recognize that I'm being given the unique opportunity to teach my child about life and change and that he has the resources within him to adapt. Like I've been telling him every morning, " You've got this!"
Tuesday 3 November 2015
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Of my many, and I have many, obsessions, measuring the passing of time is one of my "favourite" ones. It's a bittersweet obsession which originated with the untimely passing of my father. Since then, it was as if there is this clock inside of me that keeps going tick tock, tick tock, mocking me....counting the tiny grains of time that keep rushing by me.
Having survived cancer twice further reinforces this little obsession. Some life events are like a slap in the face with a big fat wet moustaching fish. Whack! There you go. Now go forth and embrace life, and be grateful and don't forget to be awesome! Tick tock, tick tock.
There are other ways that I mark the passing of time. And among them are collecting old photographs of bygone days, antique trinkets, collecting stories from before my time and journaling now for the future.
As Shabd has grown older I've realized that some moments, nay most moments I won't get back again, neither will he go back to that precious stage in his life again. So I recently started keeping a little shopping list and pencil handy on the kitchen counter so I could capture those unforgettable one liners! Allow me to share some snippets from the mouth of my little 3 year old babe!
"Mummy, can I have some privacy please. Can you close the door." - Shabd having a shower.
"I am strong like Hanuman! Jai Maan!" - explaining his extraordinary strength!
Shabd: "Papa, do you have fur?"
Papa: "No, I have hair."
Shabd: "Oh.....Okay."
Slight pause as he contemplates the answer.
Shabd: "Do you have whiskers?"
Papa: Trying to hold back the laughter, "No, I have a beard."
Shabd: "Oh.....Okayyy" as if he just had a lightbulb moment, "You have a beard."
Ah! A frustrated moment! Shabd was addressing me and he was plenty polite and plenty frustrated!
Shabd: "Mummy, please find my chookoo." (Pacifier).
Me: In a rush as usual, "Sorry Shabd, you need to look after your things. Go and look for it yourself. Where did you see it last? Go start looking there."
A rather annoyed looking toddler leaves the room only to return a few seconds later and tell me, "Mummy! I don't know where my chookoo is and you keep telling me to look for it!"
Upon observing his father trimming the mango tree in our garden that has grown quite unruly lately.
"Papa, please don't cut the tree, it will get hurt."
I wonder if all our tree hugging and watching The Lorax has made him into a little green warrior! Desh masa and Aunty Khadeeja will be so proud of the little activist!
One morning at the breakfast table Shabd picks up his cup of camomile tea and says, "I want to sit. I want to think for a moment." This is followed by total silence as he contemplates what I imagine must be the state of the trees being cut in our yard!
Upon discovering the tastes of French and Creole rolling in his mouth, "Hey Papa, la ice-cream ala melting!"
And my favourite as it sums up what a gentle old soul Shabd is, "I'm there for you Mummy. Don't be sad." My boy experiences the world with his heart. I must be doing something right! I'm blessed!
Having survived cancer twice further reinforces this little obsession. Some life events are like a slap in the face with a big fat wet moustaching fish. Whack! There you go. Now go forth and embrace life, and be grateful and don't forget to be awesome! Tick tock, tick tock.
There are other ways that I mark the passing of time. And among them are collecting old photographs of bygone days, antique trinkets, collecting stories from before my time and journaling now for the future.
As Shabd has grown older I've realized that some moments, nay most moments I won't get back again, neither will he go back to that precious stage in his life again. So I recently started keeping a little shopping list and pencil handy on the kitchen counter so I could capture those unforgettable one liners! Allow me to share some snippets from the mouth of my little 3 year old babe!
"Mummy, can I have some privacy please. Can you close the door." - Shabd having a shower.
"I am strong like Hanuman! Jai Maan!" - explaining his extraordinary strength!
Shabd: "Papa, do you have fur?"
Papa: "No, I have hair."
Shabd: "Oh.....Okay."
Slight pause as he contemplates the answer.
Shabd: "Do you have whiskers?"
Papa: Trying to hold back the laughter, "No, I have a beard."
Shabd: "Oh.....Okayyy" as if he just had a lightbulb moment, "You have a beard."
Ah! A frustrated moment! Shabd was addressing me and he was plenty polite and plenty frustrated!
Shabd: "Mummy, please find my chookoo." (Pacifier).
Me: In a rush as usual, "Sorry Shabd, you need to look after your things. Go and look for it yourself. Where did you see it last? Go start looking there."
A rather annoyed looking toddler leaves the room only to return a few seconds later and tell me, "Mummy! I don't know where my chookoo is and you keep telling me to look for it!"
Upon observing his father trimming the mango tree in our garden that has grown quite unruly lately.
"Papa, please don't cut the tree, it will get hurt."
I wonder if all our tree hugging and watching The Lorax has made him into a little green warrior! Desh masa and Aunty Khadeeja will be so proud of the little activist!
One morning at the breakfast table Shabd picks up his cup of camomile tea and says, "I want to sit. I want to think for a moment." This is followed by total silence as he contemplates what I imagine must be the state of the trees being cut in our yard!
Upon discovering the tastes of French and Creole rolling in his mouth, "Hey Papa, la ice-cream ala melting!"
And my favourite as it sums up what a gentle old soul Shabd is, "I'm there for you Mummy. Don't be sad." My boy experiences the world with his heart. I must be doing something right! I'm blessed!
Sunday 1 November 2015
Blue Beaches & Jumping Castles & Peddle Boats
Some moments are just perfect. They are rare and beautiful. These moments are like pearls of joy, each unique in its imperfection. When these rare moments occur, like a pearl diver having dived deep into the depths of the dark ocean and having discovered my treasure, my fingers close tightly on these moments as I gently slip my pearl of joy into a velvet bag. At my own leisure, I will slowly take those perfect moments out and stare in wonderment at them, a small smile playing on my lips. These are my precious memories, my joys, my saving graces during trying times.
This weekend turned out to be one of those rare moments when time itself seemed to stand still. It was as if time itself did not want to intrude on our joys.
We woke up early Saturday morning and on whim decided to go swimming at the beach. I quickly whipped up a simple take-out breakfast of scrambled eggs, bread rolls and tea while Akash packed our beach basket and before you could say who-wants-to-build-sand-castles, we were off!
We ran into Akash's cousin Karuna and her parents at the beach, also there for a walk and swim. We joined their entourage with Karuna and Shabd leading the way! At some point, Shabd announced that he'd walked quite enough thank you and would now go for a swim!
We spent the morning sitting on the beach, sharing in each other's breakfasts. The company, the conversation, the perfect blue ocean and vast skies all came together as in a crescendo to a beautiful piece of music, it was just perfect and I loved every moment of our Saturday morning.
We never though we'd be able to do things like this, perhaps that's the problem, we never thought! Sometimes we allow life to pass us by...cause we're too busy waiting to for when things get better or when things slow down. It's not going to happen. It's up to us to slow down, wake up early, pack that basket and go to the seaside. Take your bucket and spade along, build a castle, squelch your toes in the sand, feel the crisp coolness of the water, look up at the vast sky, feel the warmth of the sun on your arms, hear the waves breaking, see the perfect joy in your son's eyes, feel his awe, his excitement, his pure childish bliss.
Today, we sat out on a quest to buy potting soil. About 6-8 months ago, Akash found at Flic-en-Flac and dug up some coconuts that's had started developing roots. This baby tree was cared for and it was finally time to transplant her to a more permanent home.
We found ourselves at a little nursery heaven not even 15 minutes drive from our house. The gardens were huge, the trees tall and inviting. While Akash busied himself with fulfilling his quest, Shabd was on a quest of his own...to get to the jumping castle he had spied on entering the nursery. So off we went!
Shabd is not usually a child that likes crowds so I was quite surprised when he kicked off his sandals and hopped onto the jumping castle despite there being another 5 other children already in it. As is his modus operandi, Shabd stood to one side and observed the crowd, then decided how he would navigate the jumping castle from there.
He quickly switched from English to French as soon as he heard only Creole being spoken. He imitated the bigger kids, quickly perfecting the art of bouncing and falling on his knees! And amazingly enough, though he was the smallest kid in that jumping castle, he held his own against all the other taller kids! Only vacating the castle when I implored on him to come have lunch!
After a rather rushed lunch, where everything was gobbled as quickly as possible, Shabd canon-balled back to the jumping castle for another round. He was in little kiddy heaven and I must admit, I was tempted to go in and join him on more than one occasion. Oh the pure abandon of jumping up high high high until you're so sure your fingertips can touch the perfect blue sky!
It was another perfect day. A day of glee and laughter and smiles and wonderment. A day of learning about jumping and landing and standing ones ground and making friends on a lark. A day of warm sunshine, and friendly smiles, and full tummies, and chocolaty lips and ice-creamy chins, and giddy laughs!
This weekend turned out to be one of those rare moments when time itself seemed to stand still. It was as if time itself did not want to intrude on our joys.
We woke up early Saturday morning and on whim decided to go swimming at the beach. I quickly whipped up a simple take-out breakfast of scrambled eggs, bread rolls and tea while Akash packed our beach basket and before you could say who-wants-to-build-sand-castles, we were off!
We ran into Akash's cousin Karuna and her parents at the beach, also there for a walk and swim. We joined their entourage with Karuna and Shabd leading the way! At some point, Shabd announced that he'd walked quite enough thank you and would now go for a swim!
We spent the morning sitting on the beach, sharing in each other's breakfasts. The company, the conversation, the perfect blue ocean and vast skies all came together as in a crescendo to a beautiful piece of music, it was just perfect and I loved every moment of our Saturday morning.
We never though we'd be able to do things like this, perhaps that's the problem, we never thought! Sometimes we allow life to pass us by...cause we're too busy waiting to for when things get better or when things slow down. It's not going to happen. It's up to us to slow down, wake up early, pack that basket and go to the seaside. Take your bucket and spade along, build a castle, squelch your toes in the sand, feel the crisp coolness of the water, look up at the vast sky, feel the warmth of the sun on your arms, hear the waves breaking, see the perfect joy in your son's eyes, feel his awe, his excitement, his pure childish bliss.
Today, we sat out on a quest to buy potting soil. About 6-8 months ago, Akash found at Flic-en-Flac and dug up some coconuts that's had started developing roots. This baby tree was cared for and it was finally time to transplant her to a more permanent home.
We found ourselves at a little nursery heaven not even 15 minutes drive from our house. The gardens were huge, the trees tall and inviting. While Akash busied himself with fulfilling his quest, Shabd was on a quest of his own...to get to the jumping castle he had spied on entering the nursery. So off we went!
Shabd is not usually a child that likes crowds so I was quite surprised when he kicked off his sandals and hopped onto the jumping castle despite there being another 5 other children already in it. As is his modus operandi, Shabd stood to one side and observed the crowd, then decided how he would navigate the jumping castle from there.
He quickly switched from English to French as soon as he heard only Creole being spoken. He imitated the bigger kids, quickly perfecting the art of bouncing and falling on his knees! And amazingly enough, though he was the smallest kid in that jumping castle, he held his own against all the other taller kids! Only vacating the castle when I implored on him to come have lunch!
After a rather rushed lunch, where everything was gobbled as quickly as possible, Shabd canon-balled back to the jumping castle for another round. He was in little kiddy heaven and I must admit, I was tempted to go in and join him on more than one occasion. Oh the pure abandon of jumping up high high high until you're so sure your fingertips can touch the perfect blue sky!
It was another perfect day. A day of glee and laughter and smiles and wonderment. A day of learning about jumping and landing and standing ones ground and making friends on a lark. A day of warm sunshine, and friendly smiles, and full tummies, and chocolaty lips and ice-creamy chins, and giddy laughs!
Sunday 4 October 2015
A time for everything
There is a time for everything in Shabd’s world. There’s a
time for drawing; “It’s time for drawing now.” Or “It’s time for eating now.”
Or “It’s time for reading now.” There is a “time for going outside now” and a “time for go
home now.” This is how Shabd compartmentalizes his little world.
All is in neat
little cubicles of activity, sorted, stored and acted upon in a sequential
order. His world is neat and orderly and clean and oh so beautifully simple.
Is this yet another lesson he’s teaching me?
“Mummy, can you please listen to Shabd!!”
There is a time for everything. And for everything there is
a time. Slow down. Put your full attention into your activity. Be mindful of
the moments spent doing an activity and above all, enjoy it.
When it's time for
something else, move on. Don’t look back, don’t linger, don’t yearn. This is
not the time for that. It’s time to water the garden now!
Friday 14 August 2015
How to Move to Action: The 3-year Old Way!
Shabd has formulated his own special way of compelling others to move to action for him. It's the Shabd 3-Step process. Allow me to introduce you to this ground-breaking technique, proudly created by my ingenious 3-year old monster!
Step 1: Create a favourable mindset
Step 2: Get your target to agree with you
Step 3: Go in for the kill - make your request!
Allow me to illustrate this model with the help of a real-life demonstration.
Picture this, Shabd, Papa & I are all sitting at the dinner table eating dinner. We're a hungry family, all happily munching on our dinner when Shabd pipes up, "I like Monde de Petite." Both Akash and I politely keep chewing as we know where this might be leading. We don't want Shabd to spend time in front of the computer screen so we both say a silent prayer that he'll let the topic die a natural death due to a lack of response from us.
Oh! But of course! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree now does it?
Shabd is after all, my son! And we Naran's never let a thing go! We're relentless. Like obstinate mongrels happening on a rare morsel of meat after a week of penitential fasting, we lock our jaws onto an idea and refuse to let go.
Not perturbed in the least by our lack of reaction, Shabd goes into his convincing mode.
Step 1: Create a favorable mindset.
"Papa, I like Monde de Petite" to which Papa replies quite nonchalantly, "Yes, it's nice."
Step 2: Get your target to agree with you.
"They have nice songs don't you think?"To which Papa replies, "Yes, yes they do have nice songs."
Step 3: Go in for the kill - make your request!
"Let's go put on Monde de Petite Papa." said in the most matter-of-fact voice possible.
But of course! Duh! If you agree, and agree again, what possible reason could you have not to move to action!
Shabd got his hour of watching Monde de Petite as we sat in amazement as his ability to have played us!
Yep...he's a sharp ou indeed!
Step 1: Create a favourable mindset
Step 2: Get your target to agree with you
Step 3: Go in for the kill - make your request!
Allow me to illustrate this model with the help of a real-life demonstration.
Picture this, Shabd, Papa & I are all sitting at the dinner table eating dinner. We're a hungry family, all happily munching on our dinner when Shabd pipes up, "I like Monde de Petite." Both Akash and I politely keep chewing as we know where this might be leading. We don't want Shabd to spend time in front of the computer screen so we both say a silent prayer that he'll let the topic die a natural death due to a lack of response from us.
Oh! But of course! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree now does it?
Shabd is after all, my son! And we Naran's never let a thing go! We're relentless. Like obstinate mongrels happening on a rare morsel of meat after a week of penitential fasting, we lock our jaws onto an idea and refuse to let go.Not perturbed in the least by our lack of reaction, Shabd goes into his convincing mode.
Step 1: Create a favorable mindset.
"Papa, I like Monde de Petite" to which Papa replies quite nonchalantly, "Yes, it's nice."
Step 2: Get your target to agree with you.
"They have nice songs don't you think?"To which Papa replies, "Yes, yes they do have nice songs."
Step 3: Go in for the kill - make your request!
"Let's go put on Monde de Petite Papa." said in the most matter-of-fact voice possible.
But of course! Duh! If you agree, and agree again, what possible reason could you have not to move to action!
Shabd got his hour of watching Monde de Petite as we sat in amazement as his ability to have played us!
Yep...he's a sharp ou indeed!
Wednesday 29 July 2015
The Power of Armour
Akash and I feel like war-weary-warriors. We've had our armour on for so long, we're not sure we know how to take it off. I feel that mine has fused to my body. Life has hurled her fair share of woes toward us and we've often felt our armour weighing us down into the deep dark blue.
Grace gently reminds me that it's time to let go, "just accept and i will guide you" she whispers. I vehemently shake my head. I love my armour. It has served me well. It has protected me from hurt and pain and with it on, i know i can beat anything - even cancer, twice!
But as time tick-tocks by, i realise that life is not going to get easier or simpler or less-anything. And so, drowning, spluttering and hanging on for dear life to Akash, for the first time in a very very long time, i consider taking my armour off.
How does one just let go of things. Troubles are not black and white spotted feathers that float away with the merest breath. They are real, forged in the bowels of some hell. I need my armour i whimper almost silently.
My armour has fused to my body, it has melted and merged into my skin and bones. There is no gentle way to remove it save to yank hard!
Thankfully, Shabd is there to run a soothing hand over my blistering wounds. To rub the salve that is his smiles and joy. And thus encouraged, i yank again and again, wincing, eyes tearing but knowing that this pain too is cathartic.
I sat down and made a list of things that bring me peace and joy and tranquility last night. I've shared a sample of that list for you:
- Browsing in a book store
- Watching the sun set
- Going for a long drive
- Hugging Shabd
- Sitting on the stoep talking with Akash
I've made a commitment to myself to do something from that list every day. It's not because i feel the need to spoil myself but rather that i've realised that acceptance comes by bringing joy into my life.
I accept Shabd totally and utterly as he is. He cannot help but be different from us, and in so many ways, be similar. And that unique combination of DNA that makes him who he is, is what brings so much joy to us.
We sit on the sand, Shabd, mummy and I. All appreciating that magical hour just as the sun dips into the ocean. In the final moments, the clouds part, to let glorious rays of sunshine through and i feel little arms hugging me tightly. I smile and feel my armour slipping off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)