Tick Tock My How the Time Has Flown By

Well…tomorrow is the 1^st of July. It feels like this roller-coaster ride had only begun, but in actual fact, half the year has passed already. I cannot remember the date of my diagnosis but I remember sitting under the tree with Akash crying at the utter senselessness of being diagnosed with breast cancer a second time. I remember coming home to my mother and siblings concerned smiles, their respectful silence while we all absorbed this terrible diagnosis, their stoic solidarity.

I was not alone this time around. I was not isolated in a cavern of deprecating loathing. This time around it’s different; I am surrounded by love, family, care, respect, warmth, strength.

 

 

Tomorrow is also 11 days before Shabd’s 2^nd birthday. Truth be told, true to my very nature, I’ve been mulling and stressing as to how we will mark this special day since mid-May. I am slowly and painfully learning that I am that I am. What this philosophical realization means is that I have finally come to accept my true nature instead of denying and trying to change it. I am an excellent igniter of things and terrible at follow-through. I am a perfectionist and have the most untidy cupboard. I am a chronic worrier and a great believer in people. I bounce back amazingly fast from failures, I invented the Tigger bounce! I’m tenacious and don’t give up without a fight, sometimes to my own detriment. But I digress (let me own that quality as well, while we’re on the subject).

Shabd has amazed me these past 6 months. He’s realized that mummy is sick and has to go see the doctor and take medicines. He’s accepted the changes in physical appearance, though he did confuse mummy and papa for a while there. And he’s respectful of giving me space on the days I come home from chemo and need to sleep. On those days, Shabd politely climbs into bed with me so we can cuddle and read a book quietly, as opposed to jumping on the bed singing 5 little monkeys at the top of his voice.

I know this might not sound like a lot, but don’t forget that he’s not yet two years old. Shabd has shown more maturity, compassion, consideration and understanding then some adults I’ve met! I cannot claim credit for these qualities; I do not believe it to be as a result of nurture, but rather of his own gentle nature.

 

Tick tock tick tock, my how the time has flown by! Only 11 days to go, and while I have a few ideas on how we can celebrate Shabd’s birthday, I would love to know what you think we should do.